connecting the dots

It took a long convo with dearest P to make me start to see the connection between the stuff that's been bothering me lately. The embodiment of faith, and my thoughts on church as family and today's jumbled feelings when saying goodbye to P and C, they all connect.
On top of this came a visit to the béguinage/begijnhof in Antwerp. We just walked past it, and there they were, beautiful little buildings around a quiet courtyard, previously inhabited by a religious sisterhood. Sisters who, without taking vows, chose to live and pray together.

I think all of it is about a deep yearning for a life that is marked by community and wholeness.

Cliché? Maybe. But living with other, beloved adults in our little apartment for ten days, without feeling the least bit tired of them or wishing for more solitude, I know I want more of that. I want more of the village and less of the island. I don't believe we are created to live in tiny little insular units, only consisting of parents and children. I believe children benefit from having many adults around (and children), by being raised by a community and not by persons.
And I believe this is the way church should function, too.

Church should be the "place" where you rest, where you find strength and support, where you live and eat and laugh and pray together, so that you can go out from there to serve others and tell the good news. Church is not the place where we believers gather to feel better about ourselves, or a place we should look down upon others for not being a part of. It is not an organization foremost, nor a building, nor a number on a membership report. Church is community, family, something we live instead of a place. It is the feeling of presence, a gathering of wanderers who are willing to let the Holy Spirit roam within and without them.

Yeah, I guess I am a hippie. And yeah, I guess maybe I am talking about a utopian vision here.
But I long for a sense of being whole. I long for the presence of my loved ones. I long for laughter and long conversations about faith. I long for sharing. And however much I love my husband, I long for a community bigger than the two, and counting my daughter three, of us.

Some of this is actually found here, in our little congregation, best felt and heard and tasted during Wednesdays, at dinner, when children run around, adults sit and talk and we end the day with Mass. Taste and see, God is good. But in some ways, we still have a long walk ahead of us. And no matter what, my dearest, most wonderful friends still live halfway across the planet. And today I ache for their presence, and for the sense of holy, thoroughly beer-filled, space they brought with them.

I love you, C. I love you, P. You have been, and are, blessed Presence to me.

this crazy show stuff

It's finally over. This whole Eurovision song (schlager in Swedish) choir show, with star Magnus Carlsson flown in from Sweden, awesome dancers, great band and all of the choir buddies, is finally over.
Boohoo.
Yeah, all of the rehearsals have at times been a pain in the. Yeah, we have all wondered if this was really gonna work out, or we'd be embarrassed for the rest of our Brussels lives. And yeah, at times the rehearsals didn't really sound all that great, or we moved wrong, or one of the dancers knocked the sax player's sheet music down, or we worried about ticket sales and the pretty crappy acoustics of the theater where we were supposed to perform.

But man, this whole thing ROCKED.

Honestly. So. Much. Fun.

We decorated the boring rooms. Foyer: kids' party meets Pride festival.

Stage: Gold, green and black. As glam as we could. Here, btw, are Sofia, Sofia, Agneta and Ulrika performing "Kärleken är"(all pics from Friday's dress rehearsal).

Magnus was awesome. Humble, professional, friendly. Just look at the focused looks of the band (Rafaël, Adriaan and Kris are in the pic. Conny, sax player, missing). They know a pro when they see one.

We put on tons, and I mean tons, of makeup. This is my Carola outfit, loosely inspired by this.

We put on outrageous clothes. Here's Kimmo and Lotta singing "Är det de här du kallar kärlek?"(and looking so much better than the original, I must add!)

And then we put on a show that still, four days later, has us all grinning, and bemoaning its end. We got amazing amounts of positive feed back. We partied 'til way too late. We shared, and still share, the pics on Facebook, and something has happened in the choir, there's a feeling of "us", of having shared a great experience.

Now we only need to form our own self-help group. Schlager Lovers Not-So-Anonymous. Because in the end, the European parliament officials will not look kindly on bureaucrats wearing sequined skirts, and husbands glare accusingly when the humming starts again. And again. And when the dance moves sneak their way in to an ordinary "going to get takeout Chinese food" walk. This needs to stop. But what a ride it was.
Alessandro, we all owe you for the idea. THANK YOU!

Mother Julian on God and love

On this S:t Valentine's Day (Alla Hjärtans Dag = All Hearts' Day, in Swedish) I give you this amazing text by Julian of Norwich:

"As truly as God is our Father,
so just as truly is he our Mother.

In our Father, God Almighty, we have our being;
in our merciful Mother we are remade and restored.
Our fragmented lives are knit together.
And by giving and yielding ourselves, through grace,
to the Holy Spirit, we are made whole.

It is I, the strength and goodness of Fatherhood.
It is I, the wisdom of Motherhood.
It is I, the light and grace of holy life.
It is I, the Trinity,
It is I, the unity.
I am the sovereign goodness in all things.
It is I who teach you to love.
It is I who teach you to desire.
It is I who am the reward of all true desiring.

All shall be well,
and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."

Love to you all. Most of you are too far away to celebrate love with me and mine today, but know that you are in my heart.

of mice and humans

This weekend in California Extravaganza played out, the great American Lutheran youth worker conference that has been mentioned earlier on this blog. Yes, the one I drew the mice for. I hung out in front of Twitter (hash tag #ext13) and during Saturday the mice and cheese jokes were all over it. I laughed out loud many times and so wished I could be there.
On Sunday, the last day of the event, tweets started to pour in on my page. Aimed at me, full of joy and gratitude, and a few mousy and cheesy puns. Total strangers had seen my mice, laughed at them, and now wanted to tell me how much they appreciated them. So wonderful.

And then I saw the little video (and photo) where Dawn, the speaker, tap danced as pastor Patty (the mouse pastor) and I almost wanted to cry with joy.

I often pray "Fyll mig med ditt goda, så att jag får bli till välsignelse" (Fill me with your goodness, so that I will be a blessing). Sometimes gifts, and the joy they bring, are more obvious than at other times. Thank you God, thank you Dawn, thank you Scott (who put us in touch with each other).
God is good. Even better than Västerbotten cheese.

2012

This is the time of year when best of-lists show up everywhere, and recaps are the melody of the day. I'll do one too, and I decided to do it in English so that those friends of mine who do not read Swedish very well (silly people) might be able to see what I write about them.

Because, yeah, this is of course a lot about friendship.

But first thing's first.

2012 was the year when I moved abroad. THE adventure, so far. We've been talking about it often, my husband and I, but it has always been one of those "maybe someday we'll"-things. This, however, is the year it happened. Sure, not to any exotic location, but away. To Belgium. Two foreign languages (formally three, counting the small German minority here too), a different sense of how things are done, new food and sights. A city, Brussels, we fell in love with and and the joy of living two hours or less from most parts of central Western Europe.

Strangely enough, 2012 was also a year of utter normalcy. I have baptized children, talked to people, sung the litany, baked bread and talked about God with teens. My husband has taught his pupils about the how's and why's of history, religion, geography and civics, and our daughter has gone to school, made friends and played a lot. And grown about a meter or two in height. We have all spent time with friends, made journeys and had good food. Been sick a little, have had fun. But all of this in a country where we barely had spent any time at all before moving here for three years.

The highs, then (except for the move):
TYCWP conference in Chicago: I not only met friends from before, but made new ones (Mariclair, I am so coming to see you in summer!) and strengthened other friendships (looking at you here, Vance). I hope to see many of you in Nashville this year.
The Poulsbo connection: Wonderful and amazing Cheryl and Paul. I love you, and I really look forward to seeing you in summer! It was great spending time with you, and getting to meet the others from Luther 500, and of course Kirsten and Todd.
Harry Potter experience: Holy cow. That place is amazing.
Choir: Joining the choir here in church in September probably helped me escape NO-I-don't-want-to-wake-up-VEMBER relatively unscathed.
New friends: Mattias, Malin and family, Gunnar and family. People at church, people in other places.
Old friends: I miss you desperately, but I am so happy for all the visits we have received. Nene and Loe, we already miss you. As a matter of fact, you totally should live here. The rest of you, get cracking. The Ormes couple are in the lead.
Obama: That election thing? Yeah, I wasn't really worried. *ahem*
Travel overall: 12 countries. Just sayin'. There won't be 13 this year.

I am pretty convinced there should be much more on this list.

The lows:
Violence: Come on, people. Stop killing each other. And stop saying stupid, hurtful and mean things, because that kind of vitriol also hurts, and makes for a great breeding ground for physical violence. And please get rid of those assault weapons.
Stupidity: Just because you're allowed to say something doesn't mean you should. Just because something is tradition doesn't mean it's automatically great. Think!
Disasters: Friends being hit by horrible misfortune, countries and cities hit by disasters. Please God, let this year be one of peace.

 I don't want to add more, even though I am sure I could if I thought about it.

So, 2013, I am ready. Bring it! There will be awesome things happening this year, I know it.